I have a favorite bathroom stall

that i always use on the 3rd floor of the library.

a while ago, someone wrote big letters in sharpie "<3 is all you need" (except with a real heart, not a sideways one)

today I went in there and some grouchy person needed a little more love, because they cleaned it off.

thoughts.

reading good literature makes me want to write more.
more reading = more writing.
more writing = awesome.

more facebook = zero productivity.


hmmm

out with the old, in with the new

new apartment,
new knives,
new violin,
soon to be new accordian,
soon to be new hair.
exciting time of life.

I am one of those weirdly hard-hearted people about some things, and weirdly sentimental about others. I almost cried this morning when I had to trade in my current violin for a new one.

So, thinking lately about this saying, "make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold." But what about our society, that throws away and replaces things once they wear down a bit? "Ending is better than mending."...

"They don't make things like they used to." well, yeah. they make it so you have to buy another one within a couple years, so that they can stay in business. Lame.

Also, I guess its just easier on your emotions to get used to tossing things when they no longer serve you as well as they used to.

to be continued... sorry this is a rather disjointed entry.

yay!

just signed the lease and paid the deposit. :)

congratulate me!

Because I am about to marry the perfect apartment. :)


- you go around the side, down a small hill, and there is a back porch that leads to the basement






- you walk in, and theres a bedroom, bathroom to the right, study area to the left.








-the brick/wood paneling is a little retrugly, but i like it :)





I'll be moving in May!

hmm

So, I was glad when I found out I had mono... because that meant I wasnt crazy or bipolar or depressed. I was just sick. And that weird fever I talked about in my last post? Yeah, that was mono.

I like sicknesses that allow you to sleep as much as you want.

I also like that spring break is next week. And my birthday. yay!



Also, finding an apartment is like finding a spouse: "I think this is the one! This is perfect! No..... wait...... " later "THIS is the one! This one is perfect! No....."


Finally. I think I have really found the one. It is not perfect. But I can live with it's flaws. and it is only for 15 months anyway.

i will be 21 in 21 days

I don't really have much to say - it's been a weird week.

First, I've been weirdly sick, and I am pretty sure it is because of the bipolar weather. I haven't been sick so much as just very much under the weather. Every day I feel like I have a fever, and I get creaky.

Second, I have realized that my pet peeves are directly connected to T's actions. Latest peeve: Using a drinking glass as a cereal bowl, and then leaving it half full in the sink to dry out so that the corn flakes are cemented to the sides of the glass. So that when we TRY to wash it, its impossible, because of the cementflakes on the insides of the glass.

Third, Everyone has been telling me to be more confidant lately. Usually if more than one person tells me something, I take it more seriously than if just one person says it. And in the last two days, two different teachers have told me.
I wonder if this is a "now" thing, if I have been having an insecure week, so I need to stop having an insecure week, or I wonder if this is a "in general" thing, where I really just need to stop thinking that I suck at everything, and maybe I just need to get my butt in gear and get my some self esteem!

Fourth, I've been pessimistic lately about the state of the world, actually both pessimistic and apathetic.

Fifth, I've had the (inexplicable..) urge to go to california and lay in the sand with a glass of wine and listen to a guitarist. and talk, and talk, and talk, and then sit in silence.

i'm bored with war and songs
i've been bitter far too long
come on prove me long
and tell me i'm no loner
and tell me i'm not crazy
well maybe just a little bit
maybe just a little bit crazy
but mostly prove me wrong

i'm in love...

with an apartment.

i hope the landlady picks me over the other applicant.

____________________________________________

This is the bruise I got on my way to coffee yesterday. So worth it.

earth, air, fire, wine

To the girl I told to run away
The ghost I saw a hundred times a day
You weren't like me no you weren't afraid

You are elements combined
Earth, air, fire, wine
Someday you'll be mine

Elements combined

You stuck around, but we didn't fly
Weighed down by all I hid behind my eyes
I only hope that you realize

You are elements combined
Earth, air, fire, wine
Someday you'll be mine

Someday you'll be mine

I'll bury all excuses
Burn all the reasons why
I cant be everything you want
And everything you need

You're elements combined
You're elements combined
You're elements combined

We talk a lot but it's always small
Tiny bricks that make a giant wall
I hope these words are a wrecking ball

2008 in retrospect

This seems to be a trend...
sorry for all the lists lately.
Here are the highlights from my last year (with help from my journals):

Spring
- I resolve to lose weight and not spend excessive amounts of money. (didn't lose weight til aug/sept, gained it back by december)
- I am confused by the fickleness of man.
- I realize that I either like guys for less than a week, or years at a time.
- 1 year anniversary.
- I struggle a lot with some theological issues.
- I realize that this semester is a good time to learn to work in groups of people that I find hard to deal with.
- I believe it cannot get worse (in nov, i am proven wrong)
- I deal with things in the wrong ways.
- I participated in a Dave Barnes music video.
- I realize even more that I am not a night owl.
- I fancy myself a runner.
- I learn that sometimes people's families are cooler than the people themselves.
- My cat died.
- I fear to fail some classes, only to find out that I have made all A's and B's and thus made it onto the dean's list.
- I am considered proficient at piano by belmont's standards.

Summer
- I attempt to recover from burning out.
- I am lonely. "This isn’t a summer of love or optimism. It’s a summer of fake optimism. It’s a summer of suck."
- My sister gets engaged.
- I wonder about sanity.
- I survive a tornado alone in the basement a chocolate store with no electricity.
- I finally read the last two harry potter books.
- I have a nervous breakdown, smoke a cig at church, and play for a perfect wedding all in the same day.
- I visit Nashville instead of living there and going to school. I decide it is a nice place. I also decide to truly appreciate the friends I (still) have.
- Goodbye's suck, even if its only for 2 months.
- I helped lead a high school girl's bible study with my sister. I try to make high school suck less for them.
- I spend most of my time trying to communicate across the pacific ocean and 13 hours time zone difference.
- I cut my hair short for the first time in like 9 years.
- I fancy myself a songwriter.
- I get my wisdom teeth out and eat steak the next day.
- I finally get used to living at home, only to have to go back to school.
- I wish Nashville was closer to a beach.

Fall
- I learn that it is rare to have too much time to prepare for something.
- I successfully perform in a solo classical recital.
- I suffer through two flat tires in two months.
- I realize that I struggle with depression.
- A "friend" kicked me while I was down, and I realized she was no friend.
- I decide that I do not believe in Carpe Diem.
- One of my closest friends got her heart broken, and it hurt me almost as much as it hurt her.
- I go to Alabama with two wonderful, beautiful, godly ladies, and get to know them better.
- Dressed as a witch on halloween, I fell on my face in front of President Fisher and his wife. They only gave me one pixie stick.
- I feel as if I have stuffed two semesters into one.
- I discover that I can graduate in 2 more semesters rather than 3!
- I realize that I don't truly know what I want to be when I grow up.
- My dog died.
- I fancy myself a rock star.
- I made a wonderful new friend.
- I voted for the candidate I disliked the least. I decided for myself, apart from anything anyone told me.
- Thanksgiving was wonderful. It is lovely to finally be considered an adult!
- I decide that I want to learn too many things in life. And that if I had the money, I would switch my major and study more things.
- I stalk a cute freshman all semester, and lose interest as soon as I find out his name.
- I highlight my hair for the first time.
- I wonder how much of my life is all in my head.
- I am .07 short of having a GPA high enough to be on the dean's list again. Alas.
- I fancy myself a writer.

Overall
- I learned a lot about myself.
- too many people got engaged.
- I have become a feminist.
- I started and did not finish writing at least 5 novels.
- I am in love and practical. I realize that the two can most certainly go together.